Jan 08 2009
Still Hanging On
Stopping smoking is definitely not going to be any easy ride. I’m having such nasty cravings. It doesn’t help that I have a sick kid home from school. I feel miserable and I really don’t want to have anyone around. Luckily she is upstairs sleeping. I think I need to take a nap myself.
I’ve been trying to stay busy but everytime I go down cellar, I want to have one. I haven’t gone to the store so I can’t buy any. I wish they had a magic pill that would make these feelings go away, but nothing is ever that easy.
I have to concentrate on the positive benefits I will be enjoying by quitting. I will smell better, and so will the house. The cost of cigarettes has gone through the roof, so that will help to have more money. When I go to the store to buy butts, I end up getting other items. So I should save money there too. It will be a battle, but I have to win it. I need to make myself a priority and that is abnormal for me.
Healthwise, I need to stop killing myself. Sure it is a slow death, but I’m hurting myself just the same. My mother died of a heart attack and my dad died six months before from complications from multiple mini strokes. Both of these are preventable if I can stop now. I have done it before, but I keep going back. I wonder why I turn to something to comfort me that took my parents from me way too soon. It is ironic and sad. I don’t want to continue doing what I have been- it isn’t working for me. I ordered lunch for myself and my daughter as a treat. We both feel sick so hopefully this will get us to eat. It probably is a good thing I am sick- it should make it easier. Hopefully I can be strong and stick to my guns.
