marihayes-soapbox is open!

I’m an avid Patriots fan, before you hate me, I was a fan when they were terrible. I sat and watched our first go at the Super Bowl become a game you want to forget. I was there for the bad, so I stuck around for the miraculous emergence of Tom Brady. Between him and Bellichek and the team behind them, they did the impossible. They brought a mediocre team into a dynasty. Last year our perfect season was stopped short when we lost the big game.

We started out this season with great hopes of coming back to reclaim the Super Bowl. Then, Tom Brady went down in the first quarter of the season’s first  game. Every Pats fan sat in stunned amazement as our savior was carted off the field. Noone could see what was to come.

The coach brings in our backup. We desperately started looking for a new QB. Matt Cassel had enough talent to catch Bellichek’s eye, but did he have what it takes to be an NFL quarterback? After all, he had never played a game outside of high school. His college career was spent sitting on the bench. He rode the pine after being drafted late. Could this newbie really play?

At first it was shaky and we had some heart-breaking losses. These losses would come back to haunt us later on when we battled for the wildcard slot in the playoffs. Little by little Matt kept getting better. Maybe it was sitting and learning behind Carson Palmer and Tom Brady. Maybe it was Bellichek’s tutorage. Maybe it was the splendid team that was behind him. Maybe it was a little of everything. Matt Cassel was thriving.

Fast forward to the end of the season, which was cut short by being eliminated by our stats. The Pats didn’t even make the playoffs because we won our last game but also needed one of two teams in our division to lose their last game. Unfortunately they didn’t comply. What a turn around from last year’s perfect season.

Now what do we do? We have Tom Brady sitting by waiting to heal. He is our go-to guy. We have super bowl rings thanks to his ability. But he may not be the same player he was before the knee surgery. Then there is Cassel, who is younger, more mobile and seems to have learned poise under pressure, from Brady. I don’t want to be responsible for that choice. What if we let Cassel go and he becomes the premier quarterback of all time? What if we do that and Brady goes down again? I doubt they have another awesome QB in their back pocket. Though Bellichek has surprised me before. The big wigs at the Pats have a difficult decision to make. It will be an interesting spring regardless.

It’s the final stretch, everything is almost done, and I’m taking a moment to reflect on what is most important in my life. My children are very much loved and I cannot imagine them not being in it.

Robert is a great young man. He is seventeen and is first in his class, he played varsity soccer for 4 years, team co-captain as a senior. Yet he is modest, unspoiled, and a truely kind soul. He has always been very intelligent and very confident. I’ve always told him he was a sponge for information. He has wonderful prospects in his future.

Elise is a warm, caring 12 year old who has many talents in the arts. She can draw the most unbelievable artworks. She sings and does all kinds of crafts. She is really sweet. She is never  mean to anyone, even when they don’t do the same. Elise is my social butterfly.

Mike and I have been going together for years and I’m so thankful that I found someone who shares so much with me. He is always there when I need him, he is my rock. It is a rare thing in this world to find a person who loves you and is willing to be an equal partner. We make a good team. We have found hobbies that we do together because we enjoy each other’s company. It never gets old with us. In spite of not agreeing on a number of topics, we don’t talk to each other in a disrespectful way. No matter how angry I get sometimes, I never stop loving him.

I don’t have the latest and greatest of things. It’s not necessary. I have everything I need, I am quite comfortable and I have not gone without. Most people would consider me poor. I feel I’m rich. I guess it just depends what scale you are using.

This Christmas I am even more thankful after my children were involved in a roll over car crash last weekend. Luckily they were not going fast- just too fast for an inexperienced driver on ice. Noone was hurt in the accident and a nice homeowner near the accident took them in from the storm and helped them. The car was totaled but hopefully every kid in that car will be more careful next time. After getting that phone call, I took a moment to think about  how close I was to losing both of them, and it gave me a whole new appreciation of how great they are. At this time of year people are so busy and distracted and impatient. It’s important to take a break and remember why you care about the people for whom you are buying those gifts.

Lately I have been doing the self defeating practice of comparing myself to others and coming up short. It seems like my self esteem is at an all time low. I’m not sure whether it is the time of year, my changing body shape, financial issues, or the lack of reality of my injury to my whole family. It’s probably a combination of them all.

I’m going through cigarette withdrawal, but so far I’m doing okay. I really need to quit for alot of reasons, but the main one is myself. I want to live as long as I can, my parents both died too young due to smoking. Still it is difficult in times of stress not to go buy a pack. I have to keep telling myself that my problems won’t go away if I have a butt.

It could be that my body is giving me major issues. My back is really bad, so I’m out of work on temperary disability. I just got my first payment since the first week of November this week, just in time for the holidays. I can’t work out too much either, so I’m getting bigger and I’m not thrilled. My boyfriend is alot more supportive of my addiction to butts campaign, and my big butt, than my ex was, so it makes it easier but still hard.

Financially I have had a hard time since the divorce, made worse by having surgury on my back that was unsuccessful. My bf thinks I took my chances and lost, and I should just go get a job. Unfortunately, my doctor hasn’t authorized me to go back to work full time, federal disability turned me down, I got laid off and my car is broken. I’m not sure how much that is going to cost. I live in a rural area, and in this economy, they cut the one and only bus route out of this one horse town. I have major nerve damage in my legs, and I have to find a lawyer to go after the doctor who did the surgury. My back will never be the same, and he made my back ten times worse than before the surgury. I don’t want alot, just enough to get by because now I can’t work.

Comparing yourself to others can be very painful. I’m feeling incredibly vulnerable and this time of year makes it worse. I wish I could get the stuff I want to for my kids. Not too much, just being able to go to a store and not worry if I will have enough for my purchases. I’d like to buy a few non-essential items without feeling deep pangs of guilt. When I see people being wasteful it gets me mad.

Maybe it is just the lack of sun that we get in winter here in New England. I always seem to be a little cranky when the days get shorter. I miss being outside on the boat like we were all summer. It is snowy and icy and windy and it stinks to be in New England right now. There’s another storm coming in that’s going to be at least 12 inches. Yuck.

I guess I need to start looking at what I have, rather than what I do not. I have to enjoy my family, the holidays, my unexpected early retirement, and come to appreciate the things that are good about my body and personality, and let go of the things I cannot change. It’s hard to lighten up when you carrying such a heavy load. So, I’m hoping in the next week I will be touched by the magic that is Christmas.

In this volatile economy everyone has to bite the bullet, right? No they don’t, only the common man does. Everyday the news has some new crazy thing going on. I’m afraid to watch.

First it was wallstreet with outstretched hands. ‘Help us out, we completely mismanaged our company, and if you don’t pay for our mistake- it will collapse your house of cards.’ So, we give them a big band-aid to stop the bleeding, and is the stockmarket any better? Doesn’t look like it. It looks like we saved the jobs of the people who messed it up in the first place. I haven’t heard of any CEOs getting canned. Every person who is on the board should be fired for sucking AIG dry while it floundered and nearly collapsed. Was there not one person who saw it coming?

Now the line gets longer. Everybody wants in- the airlines, the railroads, etc. The automotive companies are squealing the loudest now. They need all kinds of money to run their daily business. What? Did I hear that right? And what plan do you have to fix that? None? Well, step right up, and get your fair share!

For years I have been watching the car companies and their unions bully everyone to get their way. The unions are not needed and are making the process of self correction slower. The benefits and salary they have gotten over the years is so much more than in any other sector. Nowhere out there can you find a job like that. And nowhere can you screw up something and not be fired for it.. People say we need the unions to keep management honest. Well, that only works if they are not corrupted too. In this day and age we have the media to keep us informed, agencies to enforce laws, and strict guidlines to follow. There is no need for  the union to oversee things. It seems that they are only looking out for themselves, and leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves. The one time I had a union job, I got wrongly fired, the union did NOTHING for me and to this day owes me 60 bucks in dues. They were completely useless.

To fix this industry they need to disband the union, fire the CEOs, hire people who care about their work ethic and get rid of the deadwood. If they had done this years ago, they wouldn’t be in the position they are currently in, on their knees, hands outstretched.

How come the non-union car companies operating in the US are doing okay? I don’t hear their employees screaming that they want more money and benefits. They are happy they have a job.

We need to weed out the deadwood, get down to reality with salary, especially of management. WE NEED TO START BUYING AMERICAN!!! We have sent our jobs overseas and now we are sending our money there too. We have become the world’s police at our own cost, while our healthcare system is not working. We pay farmers to not grow food, while people are going hungry. These problems in our society have to be addressed before we go telling other people how to run their countries. We need to buckle down and rethink the way we waste our precious resources.

There would be big problems in our system for awhile. You can’t fix a problem without stirring things up. The only people who will be squawking after it is over, is the slackers who started this trainwreak in the first place! And it not only the autoworkers union that needs to go, the rest do too. I have not seen one thing the union can do that public opinion can’t do. Hire people to check on companies to keep them on the up and up. Reported abuses seem to clear themselves up like magic when exposed to public scrutiny. I know this is not a popular opinion. The funny thing is that most of the people who are upset, are benefitting from a union affiliation.

This year my bf Mike got me to join a fantasy football league. We had done a Nascar one for the last two years. It was alot of fun so I decided to try this one. I follow football, but not as closely as he does. Well, not until now.

To start off my team, I didn’t do the draft and let the computer pick my team. It was probably the best thing to do in the beginning. I didn’t know enough about other teams’ players, only about my beloved Patriots. I know, they are hated. The reason is Tom Brady and his ability. Well, when he went down in the first game, we thought our season was over. In walks Matt Cassel who against all odds has played very well. He became one of my first players to be picked up on waivers.

I have really gotten into it and to date have made 22 moves to pick up players. I had a guy early on approach me about making a trade. It was a bad deal for me, offering an average running back and a crappy defense for the Titans defense and my best wide receiver. I guess he thought because I was a woman that I was stupid too. Well, I emailed him back that unless he had something better to offer, thanks but no thanks. Honestly, are all guys under the impression that women don’t know, or do anything better than them? Guess who is in first place?

I think Mike is starting to rethink getting me into this league. I’m on ESPN researching players more than him. Last night I think he was a little mad that I was hogging the computer changing my lineup.

My heart goes out to Matt Cassel after hearing about his father’s death. He has turned into a great fantasy pick since his unexpected introduction to the NFL. I’m not sure whether he will play on Sunday so I’ll need to check right before the game to see if I need to replace him with Kyle Ortin, my backup. Before Cassell, my main QB was Carson Palmer. When he went down I started to think that maybe this wasn’t a good idea to play this game. I don’t need any more stress.

Now I feel pressure to keep my first place position. I know that it is just a game, but I really want to win. I needed something to fill the void when the Nascar season got over and we put the boat to bed for the winter. Mike has his car models to keep him busy and I was getting pretty bored doing stuff around the house. My family is getting sick of me painting things and moving furniture.

This fantasy league has been fun and gave us something new to talk about. We spend most of our free time together, so we try to find stuff that interests both of us. In past relationships and in observing others, we noticed that alot of people don’t do enough together. You need things in common to keep a strong bond between you. He tries to show interest in what I love. And I, in turn, do the same for him. Nobody has all the same interests, but on most fronts it is working for us.  

I have not gone fishing in two months and the winter is just starting here in Southern New England. Since my boyfriend and I got into fishing, we have been completely into it. In two years we bought two boats and enough tackle to fill them. It is an addiction that is good for you! We get outdoors, have lunch, and sometimes breakfast too, right in the boat. My boyfriend is even looking at grills for the boat.

We started with a canoe, that was nice at first, and we had no fear. Then we dumped the canoe at the end of the season. We were fully clothed and had just launched. We stupidly hadn’t put our lifejackets on yet. We almost drowned and became a statistic but we both thankfully made it to shore. After that we were both pretty paranoid every time it rocked. Over the winter we started looking at bigger, more stable boats.

Mike researched all the boats online, and we decided on the Bass Tracker Deep Vee Anniversary model. It is very stable and has alot of room. You can get up, move around, and you really can’t rock the boat at all. We got to check them out in person when the Bass Pro opened in our area. Mike wanted the 175 but the deep vee suited our needs better. It is more family friendly too. We upgraded the electric trawling motor, the engine, and the gps and financed it right into the price. They also gave us a Bass Pro gift card. Needless to say we bought more comfortable life jackets.

We really did well with all the aspects of boating. We had boated before but not in a long time, or with a brand new boat. Trailering and launching was a gradual learning experience. By the end of the season we were pretty good.

Fishing was a hole that we threw money into at first, but we are all set for awhile. It is fun, healthy competition that women can do equally as good as men. Fishing got us outside, going to new places, meeting new people, and gave us a hobby we can do into our old years together. We look forward to the weekends even more.

Now the winter has begun and we don’t ice fish because we hate the cold. Who knows, we might get desperate enough but I think not. Now we are stocking up on even more crap. I’m getting Eagle claws and a new spook in my stocking this year. I know because I shopped with my Santa. I also picked out a rediculously huge lure to hang on the wall in our former dining room, now hobby room. It’s a sickness. My kids think we are insane.

We are very respectful of the beautiful environment we enjoy. We use the electric motor mostly, follow all DEM rules, and mostly catch and release. We only take fish that are going to die or species that are overpopulated. Our local DEM asked people to take all perch that are caught and we have a disabled Native American friend who loves them. We even had a local man offer to buy pickeral from us, because they are so previlent in local ponds. We live in the boone docks, so this isn’t rare.

I appreciate that not everyone has access to lots of lakes near them. I also realize that some people would be squeamish about the whole bait thing. But find something, anything, that you can do to change your life. Find something that makes you smile when you think about it and go DO it. Walk in the forest, ride a bike near the shore, find your peaceful place and go there. As often as possible.

This weekend, I had to take a step back and take stock of what was going on. We have been so busy lately with my birthday and my daughter’s, the Eagles concert, Thanksgiving, and the beginning of the Holiday season. I think we just needed some time to chill out and clean my dirty house. You know, when you get too busy with stuff that you ignore the little things? Yeah, it was nasty.

We needed to do regular maintenance cleaning, and that wasn’t too bad. Then we started doing the process to ready ourselves for the gifts to come. You know when you start cleaning or painting and as soon as you finish, you notice that all the stuff around it looks nasty now next to the newness? Well, that just opens up a can of worms for you ,doesn’t it? At least I have Mike now who will help me out. I was in the shower and I heard a strange sound. I dried off quickly and got dressed. I ran out of the bathroom and into the living room and there was my boyfreind-vacuuming! I had never heard this sound before from a distance. I laughed and told him how it was such a foreign sound because in 15 years of marriage, my ex never did it!

Mike also painted some furniture that the new electronics will be utilizing. I can’t wait to set it up! I want it now! I have never splurged on something for myself. I always put me last and everyone else first. Typical mom behavior. Since we watch alot of tv, Discovery, sports,movies,Planet Green, etc. we figured it would be a good investment. My old tv had lines and would invert peoples top of their heads since my daughter knocked it over. It was irritating to say the least, but I couldn’t afford to replace it myself. Mike and I are giving it to each other as our big gift. I won’t get a huge pile, but at least the picture will look right on my tv.

 I was a former packrat, which I inherited from my parents. They have been gone more than a decade, but I still haven’t beat it completely. There was a time that I owned a 2400 square foot house that was completely full. There wasn’t an open space except to walk anywhere. I collected anything that caught my eye. I was a stuff junkie. I’m still working on it. I threw out, gave away, donated, sold on ebay and reused everything I have. Now I’m down to the Christmas stuff. I’m suddenly having a hard time. Is it sentimentality for the holidays? I’m not sure, but I have to buck up and go through it. Maybe passing what I don’t need on, to cheer up another family will give me the push I need to get it done.

Mike has been a huge help with my journey. He hates clutter and dark dingy places, so he has been very supportive of my metamorphesis. He has helped me clean, go to the dump/recycling centers and shop for everything I need. Mike is like the opposite of my ex. He wants to be with me, and help me and not run off to do his own stuff, leaving me to do it all myself.We have been together for 5 years and I still wonder at it.

I don’t think I left the house all weekend! It was two days well spent for me. I feel ready to go out and finish the last of the holiday errands now that I took a weekend off. Take some time off, to slow down and reflect on what you have, who is sharing your life, and what you can give to others. Clean out the cobwebs literally and physically to give yourself a boost. It gives you a great perspective on what is really important.

There are so many easy ways to go green for the holiday season. While shopping, cluster trips according to location. Running from store to store in one trip saves gas and time. Also when you look at purchases, keep in mind the excess packaging of some products. All that packaging is a pain to open and to dispose of. Buy from local merchants. Shipping stuff uses alot of gas. This also helps the little guy in a tight economy. Look at where the product was made. We all need to support our manufacturing to save our jobs. Buying American is more important than ever. And things shipped across the world have a high carbon footprint.

Inside your house, there are new lights that use much less power. If your old lights have seen better days replace them. Only leave the lights on when you are there. It is not only a cost savings but a safety issue too. In the kitchen, you can compost all the scraps from dinners. It is very easy to do and your dirt will thank you. Mother Nature does it all with no work from you. Also, garbage disposals send the scraps to a treatment plant where they add to the greenhouse gas problem. I have been doing it for years and it makes your trash smell less. It also makes it less appetizing to garbage picking animals. All kinds of plants grew out of my mulch pile, including huge pumpkins.

Gift wrap can be recycled in two ways. If you are careful and the wrap is strong you can slip the package out and reuse the paper the next year. This works really well with the foil wrappings, even the tape comes off clean. If you can’t wait to open the presents or you have little kids you can recycle them in your bins, not in the trash. Live trees can be harvested responibly so go ahead and indulge. The new little trees they constantly plant help with carbon emmissions.

Look for organic foods in your super market. Not only are they better for you, but the farms themselves grow their products  with the effect on the planet in mind. It is amazing what chemicals are allowed in these other countries that aren’t used here anymore. More and more stores are catering to people who are trying to live a greener and cleaner lifestyle. It’s sometimes a little more effort to try new things, but if we all do a few little things it will make a huge difference. Happy Holidays to All

I have never been a big fan of the stock market. I have always thought that it was a big fraud, run by people who have nothing better to do, so they invented a job for themselves. Well, they proved me right again.

It seems to me that when you are spending someone else’s money that it really doesn’t matter to you what happens. For years they have speculated (guessed) what was going to be good. I’m not big on letting someone else play with my money. It won’t hurt them if they make a mistake, so who cares? The people who’s money they play with are nameless faceless dollar signs. The stock market itself is a fallicy. You would be better off spending your money on betting on sports or horse racing. At least you would have the ability to research the best pick. Maybe the stock market would work if people did the work themselves. After all, the ‘experts’  knowledge seems to be lacking in some major areas, like common sense. They follow each other like sheep going to slaughter, yet we are the ones to get fleeced. I think some serious restructuring needs to start now.

They have such non-discript terms that they use to fool us into thinking they know what they are doing. Everyone of the ‘players’ who lost money for their companies ought to be fired. The local rural bait shop owner in my small town has dabbled in the market for years. Do you know how much money he lost? -0- He made more money. I asked him how and he explained that he bought stocks that were a sure thing. He only used a very small portion of his investment on risky items. Seems like a pretty suave move for a bait salesman. Now if he could figure that out- why not the big wallstreet fatheads? They got greedy and got spanked for it. I don’t feel bad for them at all. I do feel bad for the people who trusted them with their hard earned money.

The thing that really gets my goat is that when things started to tank, they all panicked and ran over the cliff. They tell us to have faith, stay the course, don’t panic and take your money out. It will correct itself. Well, they didn’t take their own useless advice and they all panicked! And to make matters worse, they kept going with the same old lousy ideas that got them screwed in the first place. So, in steps our government to fix things. Hey, that worked great! Just like when you put a cop at an intersection, it’s going to get ugly real fast.

Instead of being frugal and conservative with the way they conducted trading, they tried to make money off the stupidity of others. Invest in the things people need not on frivilous fly-by-night ventures. That’s where the big money is they say. Well, where is the big money? It’s all a risk- you have to risk big to make the big bucks. Everybody went along and let them do it and now we are all paying for it. Everyone of those people ought to be fired! Hell, if anyone else in any other job, screwed up so bad, they would be packing up their desk the next day

And then there is insider trading. What a crock this is. You can’t talk about what is happening in the companies that you are investing in? That is crazy! They all do it, but don’t get caught. Whatever happened to public knowledge? If a company is having problems or is misrun, why shouldn’t everybody know about it? Maybe we could have avoided alot of iffy investments if they shared some info with us. And when companies do tank out, how about taking everything away from the CEOs who brought us all to this place? If we lose, they should lose. Maybe if they had a personal stake in it, they would be more careful . Bailouts are another dumb idea. Hey, they drove this huge corporation into the ground, let’s give them more money to play with. Smart.  

It is the American way to succeed when you do a good job at doing your business. If you don’t - you fail. If I mess up my finances, noone comes in to bail me out. And I’m not a self proclaimed expert on money. These people went to college for this. I would have been better off investing my money based on throwing darts at a board. The only correction I want to hear about is that whoever failed, is gone. We would get over it. If there was a few less banks and brokerage houses would it really matter? The jobs? They need to find another line of work, as was proven by their past performance. Maybe the best thing to do would be to step back. I think I will put my money in a can in the yard and turn off the news. I don’t need the stress.

Lately my ex has been a huge pain in the butt because he is now married to a very pushy woman. I was married to him for 15 years and left him because he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive toward me. I didn’t have a car or a job when I asked him to leave. I just wanted something more. He was never home, didn’t spend time with me or the kids. I should have left earlier but I was stuck financially. I finally decided that enough was more than enough.

 Now 5 years later, he meets this woman online, moves in with her two months later and then marries her 6 months later. Within 1 month of being married, she tried to get custody of my daughter! Her reason? My daughter is not doing well in school. She is not doing her homework or studying for tests. The wife wants me to sit there and do her projects for her to boost her grades. Anyone who has been to a school science fair has seen the perfect looking projects turned in, obviously done by the parents. This doesn’t help the kids and it teaches them that they are incompetent and they need to cheat to pass. My parents didn’t do my work for me.

  She is very controlling and thinks she can now tell me how to raise my kids. Well, sorry honey, but that is not happening. She can lead my ex around by his short leash, but I’m not going there. Also, he suddenly is super dad. The man has never taken an interest in their school, healthcare, or anything else except for sports. Now he is trying to give me advice on parenting. Ha!

I get at least 10 calls and sometimes 20 emails a week from them! I never had this much contact with him when we were married. They have no idea that they are as annoying as hell. He calls my answering machine and yells hello…hello into it and then hangs up with no message. It is in my LR, and my son has a cell he could call. I have called their house maybe ten times in two years, they call my house probably 30-40 times per week. I wish I could change my number.

Now this morning my son came to me wanting money for a ticket to a banquet for my son making all-state. He asked his dad if he wanted to go, and he declined. He asked me and my bf and we said yes. The next day, my son called hin again and asked and they said no. Then they changed their mind(after the b**ch found out)and said they were going. My son looked into them purchasing tickets themselves which they can. On the last day tickets are on sale, they sent in money for one ticket and told me I had to buy the other. I found out at 7 am, the day after the shopping spree we did this weekend for Christmas. Luckily I had bill money I broke into. That was really nice.

They seem to think that they can tell me how to run my life. Well I am the queen of my castle and I really don’t want their unsolicited advice. However, if anybody out there has any real advice on how to deal with a pushy ex- let me know.