marihayes-soapbox is open!

Do you ever get so frustrated by life that you just want to leave everything and everyone behind and run away? I’ve had one of those months. The only thing stopping me is my lack of funds to even have a decent escape. It’s so sad.

Ilost my job a month ago, due to the bad economy and my boss’s total lack of any business sense. I watched the store’s business dwindle since she bought it a little over a year ago. She’s one of those people who buys stuff for the store that she likes- who cares what people want to buy. She also goes on vacation constantly(4 times in 6 months).She’s also a shop-a -holic with expensive tastes(coach bags). I’ve suggested product I know will sell, etc. to no avail. Well, I got laid off because the store is limiting it’s hours to 4 hours a night. We are betting on it closing by Thanksgiving or maybe Christmas. Sad, she took a thriving business(over 20 yrs.) and in 1 year drove it into the ground. Yes, it’s sad but not unexpected.

So, I’m trying to find a part-time job, due to my back issues I’m only cleared for part-time. It could take years for my disabliity claim to come through. I have 9 bulging discs, 2 herniated discs, have had 2 back surgeries and a cage put in, and they still need to see if I’m just faking it! Yet people have gotten it for being a habitual alcoholic or for being nuts. I want to work as much as a can, I’m only in my mid-forties. SSDI frowns on people who can still work but not full time! Can you believe that crap?God forbid I don’t want to sit around and do nothing all day. I can’t garden or do yardwork or house maintanence, because they may see me and deny my claim. I just want to putt around, not dig a swimming pool. I can’t work on my car- so there it sits-dead in the water.

The only thing I can do is stuff inside. I’m limited by my injury, but I do the best I can and find ways to compensate for my problem. Some things I just can’t do anymore. The doctors want me to exercise so my other muscles will be strong enough to help support my back, but don’t get caught! What the heck is that? So many lazy people have faked it, they think everyone is. MRIs don’t lie. So, here I am, in limbo. No-one will hire me- I might get hurt and sue them! I can’t work full time- doctor says no way.  My job choices are severely limited by my problem. I have two kids , a little child support, no partner’s pay check, and disability is dragging it’s feet. I feel so trapped and alone. I have no family I can sponge off of. God, this is depressing. I liked the denial stage better. Thanks for listening, it feels better when I can let it out.